Learning involves far more than just memorizing information. 

Learning is a process of change and adaptation that involves integrating new information into our existing framework of knowledge in a way that changes how we make sense of the world. 

Each little bit of learning changes how we perceive, think, and behave.

Learning Is More Than Memory

I could memorize the number 3.141592653589793—and I have, because I’m an engineer—but simply memorizing the number is not exactly learning.

Knowing what pi means, on the other hand, changes how I make sense of the world, and unlocks all sorts of new skills and behaviors.

When we learn, we are transformed. We internalize and embody experiences and information, in the literal sense. Neural pathways are altered. Our brains are physically changed.

Neurons that fire together, wire together. And since we have some say-so as to which neurons are firing, it is in our best interest to make sure we’re wiring up circuits that serve us.  

Hard Lessons: Easy Learning

Unfortunately, when it comes to learning, not all information or experience is treated equally.

Negative experiences—the painful, upsetting, and traumatic events in life—get a synaptic shortcut. They are processed via very different pathways designed to ensure we learn these difficult lessons only once.

This is good for survival, but not so good for mental health.

Hi-Def Recall

On the day after my birthday in 2015, I got hit from behind by a fifty-three-foot tractor-trailer while traveling at interstate speed.

Miraculously, I walked away, but for about six seconds, rolling slowly backward across five lanes of oncoming interstate traffic, after impacting a concrete barrier, I was certain that I was about to die.

Like most who have a similar experience, I can remember every millisecond in vivid detail—the crunch of the tires on broken glass, the pop of the airbag and the acrid smell of its propellant, the shape of the dashboard cracked by my knee.

It is said that time slows down, but in fact it is memory that speeds up, going into high-definition recording mode. This is evolution saying, “remember this, because we can’t afford to let it happen again.”

The durability and detail of these memories reveals the underlying structure of our bias toward negativity.

We were designed by millions of years of evolution to internalize and embody negative experiences much more quickly, easily, and deeply than positive ones.

Psychologist, author, and mindfulness teacher Rick Hanson notes that this is especially true for a particular subset of negative experiences, namely those that

1. Occurred in early childhood, and
2. Involved other people.

Indelible Ink

When I was in second grade, I was targeted by a classic school bus bully. He was a fourth- or fifth-grader, obviously much bigger than me.

Despite the bus being nearly empty at his stop, he sat next to me most every day for no purpose other than to taunt, intimidate, and threaten me.

One day, for no reason beyond pure sadistic meanness, he punched me hard in the solar plexus. There was no warning, and I had never been hit like that.

I remember the primal panic of not being able to catch my breath. I remember his mocking sneer, and the brown pleather of the seat about halfway back on the left side of the bus.

The bus bully incident meets both of Hanson’s criteria. It happened when I was little, and it involved another person.

While the details of the car crash are still vivid after nearly a decade, that day on the school bus remains crystal-clear after forty-five years.

We all have experiences like this. They leave nearly indelible marks. They bias us toward fear and anxiety, and because they naturally accumulate over a lifetime of bumps and bruises both physical and psychological, we must actively work to counterbalance them.

Delusional Anxiety

Hanson goes further to say that he believes humans have evolved a sort of “delusional anxiety.”

Even when nothing bad is happening, we generate a sort of slow-drip, low-dose worry, the evolutionary purpose of which seems to be to simply “keep us on our toes.”

We get habituated to it (or perhaps addicted), and we can then feel anxious about not feeling anxious!

Hanson is not suggesting the experience of anxiety is not real. It is. Rather, he is noting that we are habitually generating it from within, vs. responding to actual external circumstances.

Again, that’s good for passing genes to future generations, not so good for happiness and well-being.

Keep Your Guard Up (Even When There's No Reason To)

This background hum of vigilance affects nearly everyone, not just those who struggle with more significant anxiety disorders. Even people who appear outwardly calm might struggle to recall their last moment of complete ease.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you weren’t worried about anything?

Letting those anxious neurons fire together unchecked is not conducive to being at your best for yourself, for others, for your team, or as a leader.

Simple, But Not Easy

The antidote is no different than the challenge of diet and exercise. Fortunately, it is not complicated, but it does require effort.

Just as our bodies default to conserving energy and craving calorie-dense foods—evolutionary assets turned modern-day liabilities—our minds default to fear and worry.

Those painful and/or traumatic experiences are the neural equivalent of a deep-fried Oreo—lots of energy in just a few bites, tends to stick with you in places you don’t want, and is probably toxic.

And just as we must deliberately choose wholesome foods and regular exercise to maintain physical health even though it’s the harder path, we must actively cultivate positive mental states to counter our anxious defaults.

Three Simple Steps

Here’s how to offset our natural negativity, according to Hanson:

1. Have a positive experience! Either notice one that is happening now, or intentionally bring one to mind. It doesn’t have to be big or dramatic. The accomplishment of finishing an important task, a conversation with a co-worker you enjoy, a good cup of coffee.
2. Amplify and extend it: Stay with it. Emotions are associated with physical sensations (we say that something “warms your heart” or “puts a spring in your step” for a reason). Try to feel it in your body.
3. Absorb it fully: Imagine that you are soaking up this positive experience like water into a sponge. Let it fill you up. This is self-directed neuroplasticity. Your intention makes a physical difference.

This isn't just feel-good advice—it's deliberate rewiring of your neural circuits for the better, and it is well-supported by neuroscience.

The first step is about activation of your brain for learning. The second and third steps are about installation.

Since our brains are not as good at internalizing positive experiences, by deliberately intensifying and extending their duration, we can more effectively transform beneficial states into durable traits.

Practice, Practice, Practice

The same neuroplasticity that so efficiently encoded our negative experiences can be harnessed to build resilience. That said, it’s a practice.

Those three steps really are simple. They require only a few minutes. But getting results requires consistent effort over time, something made easier with the support of a coach.

You deserve work and life with less anxiety. You’ll be better at your job, better in your most important relationships, better as a leader, and you’ll feel better, too. We’re here to help.

Until next time,
Greg