I do not like cold water.

I was a swimmer in high school, and I vividly remember a particular morning practice the day after the pool had been emptied and refilled due to a maintenance issue.

The fresh, unheated water was sixty-three degrees. I stalled as long as I could, then dove in. I surfaced gasping for breath, surrounded by my shivering, blue-lipped teammates.

We complained so much that our coach finally dove in (with his clothes on) to prove us wrong. He lasted about half a lap before deciding we should do a dry-land workout that day.

What Did You Do Last Weekend?

Given my lifelong aversion to cold water, it was with a non-trivial level of dread that I contemplated the little weekend experiment Martha and I created for ourselves.

We—and by “we,” I mean “I”—wanted to understand all the cold exposure hype swirling about the internet, so on Saturday afternoon we loaded up the bathtub with eighty pounds of ice.

(Yes, that sounds like a lot, but I’m an engineer and once upon a time I could do the math, and it really does take that much).

As I stood there doubting my sanity, my instant-read meat thermometer displayed 43.3°F.

Gulp.

All or Nothing

Only one way to do this, I thought to myself, so into the ice I went, up to my neck in one stupid, swift motion.

Had I been able to breathe, numerous expletives would have ensued.

After the initial frigid shock (which never really went away), the sensation in my lower legs and feet rapidly went from really, really cold to outright pain.

The discomfort level escalated quickly.

I lasted maybe fifteen seconds. I knew it was going to be intense, but it was a little more than I bargained for.

Martha’s Turn

Having just witnessed my near-death experience, Martha lowered herself into our miniature Arctic Ocean a little more slowly and gracefully than I had.

Then, after effortlessly moving through the initial take-your-breath-away reaction, she proceeded to soak for a full three minutes in a state I can only describe as meditative bliss.

As if that wasn’t enough, immediately after getting out, she wanted to get back in! It was like her first hit of an irresistible drug–she was instantly addicted!

Just to be sure I hadn’t warmed things up for her, I rechecked the temperature: still 43.3 degrees.

Exact same stimulus, but two very different responses.

What Gives?

It is tempting to conclude that Martha simply has a much higher pain tolerance than I do, but, all machismo aside, that’s not quite right, because pain is subjective.

We cannot know how much—or how little—pain the other experienced.

Only I have access to the subjective experience that drove me from the tub in seconds. Only Martha knows what kept her in for three minutes wanting more.

It would appear that we both had the same harrowing experience, and Martha is just tougher.

That could be true, but a better explanation is that Martha and I had very different subjective experiences of the exact same hypothermic stimulus.

Martha wasn’t gritting it out through excruciating pain. It felt good to her!

Different individuals have very different subjective experiences of the same stimuli. As a result, they exhibit completely different behaviors in response.

This is true for essentially every stimulus, whether physical, emotional, or psychological (which, by the way, are not really three separate things).

A Common Work Stimulus: Stress

Consider the stimulus of psychological stress, being pressed up against a work deadline with a difficult, high-stakes problem, for example.

Or perhaps a Murphy’s Law situation where everything that could have gone wrong on a project did.

Just as we can measure a response to ice water immersion, we can measure a person’s stress tolerance via psychometric assessments. They are the stopwatch to the workplace’s ice bath.

Assessments like the EQ-i 2.0® cannot tell us what a person’s subjective experience of a tight project deadline is really like, but they can offer insights into why they might respond in a certain way.

Fictional Felix and Hypothetical Hannah 

On all of the EQ-i 2.0’s fifteen sub-scales, including stress tolerance, average is 100 and the standard deviation (the measure of how spread out scores are from average) is fifteen.

Let’s say Felix scores 85 in stress tolerance, and Hannah scores 130. We regularly see stress tolerance scores in this range. Although 85 is on the lower side and 130 is pretty high, neither is an extreme outlier, yet they are three standard deviations apart.

Out of a random sample of 100 people, Felix would rank 16th lowest, while Hannah would rank 2nd or 3rd highest.

Felix and Hannah will almost certainly exhibit very different behaviors in response to that same looming project deadline.

One is going to leap out of the tub gasping for air, while the other sits there calmly enjoying the challenge.

Upon observing these two different behaviors, it is tempting to make value judgments. Felix is weak and gives up too easily; Hannah is strong and shows grit and determination.

Do not give in to that temptation.

A Better Option

Data from assessments like EQ-i 2.0 opens the door to a better option: curiosity, understanding, and compassion for others, and for ourselves.

Curiosity, understanding, and compassion are the better option because Felix and Hannah, with their stress tolerance scores of 85 and 130 respectively, experience that same looming project deadline as differently as Martha and I experienced the ice bath.

Hannah is having fun. Felix is in agony.

For a million complex reasons, Felix and Hannah are having subjectively different physical, emotional, and psychological responses to the same stimulus (again, not really three separate things).

We Master What We Measure

Tools like EQ-i or DiSC® help make these different subjective realities visible. They give words to the inner experience. They enable us to talk about them with curiosity instead of judgment.

With this awareness, Felix can recognize that he is simply more sensitive to stress than most people. It’s not a failure. It’s just a fact.

And the good news is, just as I can build up my tolerance to cold, emotional intelligence skills like stress tolerance, empathy, emotional expression, and others are malleable.

They can be improved, but only once you know what to work on.

Conversely, Hannah can recognize that stress tolerance is a strong suit for her. She can leverage that gift, while also becoming sensitive to the fact that, on average, others (like her direct reports) are experiencing more stress than she is.

Complementary Strengths

It is almost always the case that teammates like Felix and Hannah will find that their scores are reversed on another emotional intelligence sub-scale, empathy, for example.

Unlike stress tolerance, with empathy it is Felix who has the higher score while Hannah's is empathy than average.

Without awareness, this is a disaster. But with awareness, Felix and Hannah can become a dynamic duo.

Felix can help Hannah notice when the team is experiencing the project stress equivalent of hypothermia.

Hannah can help Felix learn to metaphorically calm his chattering teeth long enough to reap the benefit of the cold exposure. It’s perfect!

But… it’s only perfect IF they stop judging each other and learn to honor the other’s weaker areas while leaning into their strengths.

Many Worlds Theory

Many worlds theory is one way to resolve the paradoxes of quantum physics. Whether it’s true or not, we may never know, but it is most certainly true that each of us live in slightly—or sometimes radically—different subjective worlds.

This is why people respond so differently to the same circumstances, just as Martha and I responded so differently to my crazy little ice bath experiment.

When we encounter these differences, we can respond with judgment, or we can embrace curiosity and compassion. Choose wisely.

Until next time,
Greg

P.S.

What did we conclude from the ice bath experiment, you might be wondering?

In retrospect, 43 degrees was probably a bit ambitious for a first effort. Yet, despite our very different experiences, we both felt fantastic afterward: clear, focused, and energized for most of the day. Placebo effect? Perhaps, but does it really matter?

Bottom line: I’d say it’s worth a try, but of course your experience could be different:-)