Welcome back to our deep dive into the Immunity to Change process developed by Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey. In Part One, we defined our improvement goal, our Stated Commitment.

Last week in Part Two, we took an objective look at our Self-Limiting Behaviors, those actions and inactions that work against our Stated Commitment.

This week, we explore the hidden forces driving those Self-Limiting Behaviors by identifying our Hidden Competing Commitments.

The Worry Box

To complete column three, we begin with a tool called the “Worry Box.” Start by drawing a box that takes up about half of the third column of your Immunity Map.

The Worry Box is where you identify the fears, anxieties, and dreaded outcomes that arise when you imagine doing the opposite of your Self-Limiting Behaviors.

The process is simple: examine each Self-Limiting Behavior from column two and ask yourself:

If I imagine doing the opposite of this Self-Limiting Behavior, what is the most worrisome, upsetting, or unacceptable outcome I fear might happen?

Really dig deep and be honest with yourself, even if the fear seems irrational. Note the if/then structure of this example:

Self-Limiting Behavior: I frequently skip my morning workout.

Worry Box: IF I prioritize my workout, THEN my most important work won't get done and my career will suffer.

Going for Yuck

Lisa Lahey, co-creator of the Immunity to Change process, told us the things we write in the worry box should feel “yucky” (that’s a technical term). What she meant was that these worries need to evoke real emotions, and those emotions are going to feel… not great.

This is important because those emotions are central to what undermines our efforts at change. If the yucky feeling of dread in your Worry Box is not palpable, ask yourself:

• What would be the worst thing about that FOR ME? What do I think I might be putting at risk?
• What could I lose that is really precious to me?
• Is there any part of my self-image or reputation that I could lose here? Any not-so-great reputation or self-image I might end up stuck with?
• What is the worst thing that could occur? What would I truly dread?

With that in mind, let's go a little deeper with our previous Worry Box example:

Revised Worry Box with Increased Yuckiness: If my most important work doesn’t get done, I won’t advance, I won’t be recognized, I might even get fired. I will be humiliated and scared about my financial security.

Fear of not getting your work done does not drive behavior directly. Even fear of getting fired is not, by itself, that powerful. It’s what you might experience as a result of getting fired that has an impact. A future of financial insecurity and humiliation? Now that’s yucky.

Hidden Competing Commitments

Your Worry Box leads directly to your Hidden Competing Commitments, the powerful, often unconscious motivations that conflict with your Stated Commitment. They arise from your perceived need to protect yourself from the fears and anxieties in your Worry Box.

To articulate your Hidden Competing Commitments, rephrase each worry as a commitment.

I am committed to prioritizing work over exercise to ensure that I never experience humiliation and financial insecurity.

Feel Their Power

These Hidden Competing Commitments should:

• Preserve the danger from the Worry Box
• Describe a commitment to self-protection, not one of noble self-sacrifice
• Show why Column Two behaviors make sense (of course you don’t want to experience those things in the Worry Box!)
• Be in tension with Column One
• Show the immune system at work and feel powerful (6 or 7 out of 7)

If You Get Stuck

Column three is where we often see people overthinking the process. Your Hidden Competing Commitments are almost always simply to ensure you never experience those awful things in the Worry Box.

That second bullet about “noble” commitments is also a common pitfall. Hidden Competing Commitments are typically not things we are proud to admit. This is a confession, not a justification. A noble version of our example might be:

I have to prioritize my work over exercise because I am committed to supporting my family.

While you might really feel that way, the true drivers of our behavior are generally not so altruistic. Our Hidden Competing Commitments are usually about taking care of numero uno.

Completing Column Three

Once you have clarified your Hidden Competing Commitments, list them in Column Three. Do not judge them. The goal is self-awareness. We are not fixing anything yet.

That said, just seeing these Hidden Competing Commitments is often an “aha” moment. Simply making these powerful drivers of behavior visible can be a big step in releasing yourself from them.

You have had one foot on the gas, and one on the brake. This is Immunity to Change in action.

Go Easy On Yourself

A very important result of the Immunity to Change process should be self-compassion. You are not a loser for struggling to make important changes.

What rational person would want to experience the things in the Worry Box?! No one! Your Immunity to Change is not irrational, it is completely rational. It’s just that the real reasons have been hidden from you.

Taking Stock

With Columns One, Two, and Three complete, your Immunity to Change Map should start providing some insights into what has been in the way of successful, durable change.

You now see the internal tensions between what you want to do (Stated Commitment), what you actually do (Self-Limiting Behaviors), and why you do it (Hidden Competing Commitments).

Column Four

Our Immunity Map is almost complete! Next week in Column Four, we wil examine these Hidden Competing Commitments even further to uncover the unconscious logic at the very core of your Immunity to Change. We will explain why column four is called "My Big Assumption" next week, but we will leave you with a hint:

Those yucky things in the Worry Box took the form of if/then statements. Are you sure they are true?

Stay tuned!

Greg